


waves

by thorbruces



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 02:10:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15014363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorbruces/pseuds/thorbruces
Summary: bruce's memories flood his mind.





	waves

the broken memories come in waves. not small waves that quickly and easily come and go, but waves that engulf him in sadness and never allow him to breathe. the flood never lets him know its coming, it comes when it feels like it and at the most unpredictable moments. in bed, when his lover touches a bruise he was unaware was there. at the dinner table, when he can’t keep his hand steady enough to lift up his glass of water. in the lab, when he just can’t quite figure out how the hell to solve this small problem that would be so much easier to solve _if he had the energy to think about it-_

it comes at his happiest moments. on the balcony, when his partner holds him close. in the morning, when he’s sipping decaf out of an iron man mug surrounded by his smiling friends. on his laptop, when he reads long articles about new scientific discoveries. 

and it comes crashing down. he jumps from his lover’s touch, and the rainfall among his cheeks begins. his lover places a hand upon his shoulder, which only increases his fear. he remains on the bed, head in his knees, unable to breathe as his partner does what he can for comfort. he rubs his own arm where the bruise is located and feels disgusted by himself. the memories of the general beating him and how he got that _exact_ bruise came flooding back into his mind. 

his frustration grows as the glass is halfway to his lips, and his grip releases as it shatters onto the floor. his blond-haired partner quickly stood and ran to his side as tears soaked his dinner plate. he felt warm arms wrap around to the side of his torso and a head on his heart as his tears dropped into freshly cut hair. the memory of the crashing scotch glass from his father’s hand to the ground played over and over.

the weights on his eyes seem to be heavier by the minute. the clock reads _3:37 am_ as his unsteady hands take his glasses off his face for the twentieth time that night. he walks to the piles and piles of data on the lab table, waits for a few seconds, and harshly pushes the papers onto the floor, sending them everywhere. he places his palm over his eyes and lowers his body against the wall to the floor, his arms ending up on his knees and his head resting on his wrists. when he hears shuffling footsteps make their way to his room, all he can think is _please no not now, please leave me alone, i don’t want to scare anybody-_ but is relieved when he hears the deep voice of his lover. he feels comforting kisses on top of his head as his body trembles from the sobs coming out of him. his lover fills him with reassuring compliments as he says _i’m not worth anything, i’m sorry you have to deal with me everyday, i can’t even solve a simple math problem in this experiment, i’m sorry-_ his head is lifted by calloused hands and he opens his eyes to look back at his husband, and his tears are wiped away by calming lips upon his cheeks. the memories of the bags under his dad’s eyes as harsh words pour out of his scabbed mouth stream through his brain.

the calm breeze of the incoming night brushes against the two men and this time, it starts by an increased heart rate. he notices this but decides to ignore it until it’s inevitable to ignore. his breath becomes unsteady as his lover’s smile is replaced by furrowed brows and a frown. he’s asked if he’s okay and he shakes his head, and a familiar pair of arms is wrapped around him. he can’t seem to stop shaking his head and the tears don’t appear this time. he stands with his lover as his body shakes and a large hand rubs the side of his jawline. the memory of the breeze he felt after his mom’s head was smashed against the sidewalk continued to overwhelm him.

he fills up his mug with black coffee and walks next to his peers. he listens in to the conversation as the coffee slightly burns his tongue, and he places the mug on the table, but more jarring than expected. a small amount of coffee spills onto his hand, but enough to gloss his eyes. tears begin to well up when his friends come to his side, and he motions them to stay back, hoping to not mean any harm. he wants to leave the room but it feels like his feet are glued to the floor as he stands there with his arms wrapped around himself and he can’t stop the tears that are flowing out of him. he sees the blurry figure of his partner make his way to him and the same pair of arms wrap around him as he sinks into the touch. the memory of the boiling coffee made by the general burning against his bony exterior is the cause this time.

his body sits on the couch with his legs crossed on the coffee table and his laptop on his lap. the bright screen lights his face up and he smiles as he reads the pages of the science news results, and reads how a bullet was successfully removed from a man after a suicide attempt. he slams his laptop closed as his hands cover his face and he tries his best to hold back the tears. he inhales and exhales quickly and unsteadily and suddenly feels warmth next to him. this warmth is wrapped around his shaking structure and wet tears slide down his cheeks. he recalls the memory of his first suicide attempt.

and through all of this, he was greeted by the same warmth every time.

**Author's Note:**

> i'll probably make a thor-centric version of this soon :)
> 
> sorry 4 the pain
> 
> pls leave comments i enjoy that a lot
> 
> my tumblr is [@vexahliahh](https://vexahliahh.tumblr.com/) n my twitter is [@rffalos](https://twitter.com/rffalos/)


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